Saving Myself First: Beyond the Illusion of Saving Others

For so long, I thought my purpose was to save everyone else. I poured myself out, emptied my cup, and stretched my spirit thin. I told myself this was love. I told myself it was selfless.

But the truth?

I was never actually saving anyone.

That was the illusion.

It was a learned behavior, a distraction of the ego—something that made me feel needed, purposeful, important, while keeping me from facing the ache of my own pain.

Helping others became my shield.

If I stayed focused on them, I didn’t have to sit with me.

I didn’t have to feel the weight of my loss, the loneliness, the shadows waiting for me in the quiet.

It felt safer to be the helper than to admit how deeply I needed help myself.

The Shift

The moment of reckoning came when I realized I was drowning in exhaustion, resentment, and unspoken pain.

No one could save me.

And more than that—no one should.

I had to do for me, what I tried so hard to encourage other to do.

I turned inward and faced my truth. This is when my self-healing journey began.

It wasn’t about abandoning others—it was about finally showing up authentically. True presence can never come from distraction.

So, while I was busy trying to be a lifeline for everyone else, I was abandoning the one person I had been entrusted to care for—myself.

This realization cracked me open. And in the breaking, I began to soften. To turn inward. To begin the work of saving myself.

The Changed

• I started naming the pattern. I admitted to myself: “This is ego. This is avoidance. This is distraction.” Awareness became the first crack in the cycle.

• I practiced pausing. Before rushing to rescue, I asked myself: do I have the capacity to give of myself in this moment? (For a long while the answer was always no.)

• I created space for me. Rest, journaling, meditation, connecting with nature, sound baths—sacred time that wasn’t about fixing anyone else, only about tending to my own healing.

• I embraced softness. Instead of striving to hold everything together and be everything for everyone else, I allowed myself to set boundaries, to fall apart. I listened to the whispers deep in my soul. I let myself be held by life, by breath, by the present moment, by spirit.

And that softness—something I once thought was weakness—became the very thing that changed my life.

It became the doorway carrying me through and Beyond Grief.

A Gentle Reminder for You

Maybe you, too, have been carrying everyone else’s weight on your shoulders. Maybe you’ve been rushing to fix, to soothe, to save. If you’ve been trying to save everyone else while carrying your own losses, this is your reminder:

I invite you to pause.

Release the urge to rescue someone from their personal journey. And never abandon yourself in the name of being “selfless.”

Softening into your own self- healing is not selfish.

It is love in its purest form.

When you save yourself first, you don’t lose your capacity to help others—you expand it. Because you’re no longer pouring from emptiness. You’re pouring from truth.

Today, give yourself permission to pause. To soften. To turn inward. To choose you.

Reflective Practice

Close your eyes. Place your hand on your heart. Whisper to yourself:

“I don’t need to save anyone. I choose to save myself. I am worthy of care. I am worthy of love.”

And let that be enough.

Because the deepest healing—begins within.

And it may just be one of the bravest steps you take through and Beyond Grief.

If these words speak to your heart, know you are not alone. Through and beyond is the space I’ve created for those walking with loss, healing, and transformation. Through my book, sound healing journeys, and grief companionship, I offer tools and practices to help you soften, breathe, and begin again. The journey inward is not easy, it is sacred, and we don’t have to walk it alone

Together we RISE in VIBRATION.

One Sound, One Breath at a time.

The FREQUENCY is LOVE. 💚

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